Java Zen:Thinking Out Loud Friday, 2017.12.15
A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle
unless there be two.

		Seneca

2006.06.16

Fake But Accurate News: More Zarqster Un-safehouse Documents and Items

Secret, covert and High Ranking Officials who wished to remain anonymous stealthily descended on the JZ:TOL campus via Black Helicopters this morning (Guys, next time do this at night so the neighbors don’t notice.) and revealed some of the details surrounding additional documents and items found after the Zarqster met his maker (Who knew Allah looked like a 500 lb. smart bomb?) Among these items:

  • A personal diary with fuzzy pink covers and sequin hearts pasted on the spine. The diary, unfortunately, is locked with a tinsy, tiny padlock and the key was not recovered after the raid. Elite CIA safe crackers and code breakers are currently working around the clock in an effort to breach this hitherto unknown security device.

  • A “To Jihad List” which included, among others, the following items:

    • Milk, Peanuts and Soy Sauce with MSG

    • That neighbor with the incessantly barking dog

    • The Moon

    • All clothes that are not black

    • Iceland

  • A cell phone with Paris Hilton’s phone number on speed dial (This may or may not mean anything. After all, my cell phone came with Paris’ number pre-configured for speed dial.)

  • A copy of “Jihadi Illustrated” – the swim suit edition.

  • Instructions for how to properly carve up a hostage for holiday presentation and intimate sleeper cell gatherings, including tasteful garnish suggestions.

  • Several trunks of collector’s quality GI Joe dolls.

  • A dozen bottles of extra-strength headache medicine.

I have the impression there was more to reveal, but the Home Owner’s Association Covenant Enforcement Committee had already flagged the helicopters as a violation so I had to ask the informants to leave.