Java Zen:Thinking Out Loud Friday, 2017.12.15
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

2006.08.28

Fake But Accurate News: Alternative Science Community Protests Loss Of Planet Pluto

On August 24, 2006, the International Astronomical Union ratified a resolution that resulted in Pluto being reclassified as a dwarf planet. The decision was immediately contested by the alternative science community.

Sascha Boolkarinski, psychic, Ouija board expert and Edgar Cayce scholar complained “They should have given us warning about this change. What do we pay taxes for? How were we supposed to see this coming?”

Madam Bimpka, astrologer, angrily protested the change. “Don’t they understand the impact of removing a planet and how that will upset the astrological houses? Do they realize how many homeless people they’ve created? Thoughtless. That’s all. They’re just thoughtless bastards.” Ms. Bimpka’s empathy for the diminutive planet was also on her mind as she sobbed, “‘Dwarf’ Planet?!? ‘Dwarf’! Have they no heart for the ‘Little Planets’?”

Bart Burt, Ph.D, Ph.D, Ph.D, Ph.D, of the Tesla Institute of Labs remarked, “I don’t understand their problem. They invent most everything else. Tacking a bit of real science on their epistemology is a bit out of place. Sort of like what morticians do to make dead people look more alive. They might as well keep Pluto as a planet in their little world. While they’re at it, add a 10th planet and upgrade to a metric astrology system.”

Psychically transmitted remote messages to both JZ Knight and Shirley MacLaine requesting comments were not returned.