I had originally thought to puncture A Whitney Brown’s “I support out troops” party balloon with a barrage of logic pins, but I see he lists himself as a writer and humorist. hA. hA. I get it, now. So his bloviation could be an attempt at humor and not a real argument. Well, if his posts are an attempt at humor than it can be safely and securely concluded A Whitney Brown’s written humor is every bit as effective as his “serious” written traces of the underlying cognitive dissonance resident within his vast, planet sized brain.
“‘I Support the troops.’ There! I finally said it.”
From that first “Look, mommy! I finally did it!” during potty training, A Whitney’s life must have been one long string of spectacular epiphanies into the magnificent world of natural occurrences. The easy laid bare and celebrated. It’s such a refreshing moment of reflection to see when someone has manage to carry their childhood innocence into adulthood. Especially when adulthood has stretched far into the years as those possessed by A Whitney. Never in the history of maturation has so little been carried so far for so few reasons.
Lucky us, A Whitney includes “an accurate transcript” (to distinguish it from other mere “transcripts” which may appear among his writings) of his video screed, sparing us the experience of viewing a flailing, talking nematode. There’s no real cogent argument to A Whitney’s rant. There are a few telling quips which reveal a frail ability to reason.
Now I know there are some cynics out there thinking, sure you say you support our troops but what do you actually mean by ‘support’? That’s a fair question and all I can say in response is that any one asking that question is a traitorous bastard and probably should be hung for treason.
Translation from A Whitney Speak: “It’s a fair question but I have to kill you for asking it.”
But to answer the question, what I mean when I say I support our troops is that I actually pay for their food, their ammo, their upkeep, transport, everything. I pay for all of it.
A Whitney’s tax bill covers the entire military budget? Way to stretch a dollar, Uncle Sam! Or maybe A Whitney is just being an arrogant, presumptuous ass. I’ll have to think about that one some more.
I mean I am involuntarily, under threat of prison, forced to pay for their support. Now do I resent that? You’re damn right I do.
Dude! Move to Iraq or Afghanistan or Malaysia or Chile or anywhere else. The World awaits your tortured soul. Reach back to the glorious potty training moment. You can do it. You can! Move!
But do I still support the individual men and women who have given so much to serve their country? No. I think they’re a bunch of idiots. I also think they’re morally retarded. Because they sign a contract that says they will kill whoever you tell me to kill. And that is morally retarded.
I’ve seen 50 car pileups on the highway that have made more sense than this twisted wreck of an argument. Alas, A Whitney is thinking:
Friends, the most important moral decision a man makes in the course of a day is “Who am I going to kill today?”…A man’s killing list is a very personal matter. It should be between him and those persistent voices in his head.
Scary. I wonder if I’m on that list A Whitney keeps locked away in his “happy place.” But wait! There’s more! A Whitney continues:
For this view, I have been called Anti-Military.
My response is this: Who on earth could be Pro-Military! The purpose of a military is to kill. It is at best a necessary evil. Necessary only because someone else has a military that threatens our survival. Pro-Military? That’s like being Pro-Abortion! Or Pro-chemo-therapy!
No! In a world of ignorance, greed, and ambition it is a practical matter that we defend our peace and security against the militaries of others, but the goal is always to have as little military as needed, and no more than absolutely necessary. Currently we spend more than all the rest of the world put together.
Clue for A Whitney: A huge chunk of the rest of the world wants America destroyed and looted. That would be why we need a large military force.
Pro-military is like being pro-chemotherapy? One would think the biggest adversary A Whitney has faced is bindweed amongst his petunias. The purpose of America’s military is to defend our country and the rights and freedoms that define it. If necessary, with deadly force. What disconnect is there in the minds of all the A Whitney’s that allows them to focus on the end result of deploying the US military to the battlefield and yet remain blind to the end effect of Islamic terrorists?
Move, A Whitney. You can do it! Move to Iran or Afghanistan. They’re waiting to show you the love.
A Whitney Brown – “Putting the ‘dolt’ into ‘adolthood’ one lame blog post at a time.”