Java Zen:Thinking Out Loud Tuesday, 2017.08.22
Poor man... he was like an employee to me.

		The police commissioner on "Sledge Hammer" laments the death of his bodyguard

2008.06.10

Secure A Country And An Obama Good Night’s Beauty Sleep

Charles Johnson has been shooting security fish in a barrel over at Barack Obama’s official campaign web site. He has a valid point. Obama’s web site isn’t just some hobby site…it’s the official site for a candidate to the Presidency of the United States of America. It would be embarrassing if it were a hobby site. Instead, it’s a little disturbing. A bit like John Edwards’ lack of ability to vet the bloggers he hired as part of his campaign.

Well, good news! Obama’s minions have noticed they need help and have put out the call: Secure a Website and an Obama Victory

Well, seeing how so many other things have been disappearing, Nacht und Nebel like, over at Obama’s web site, I’ve taken the liberty and freedom to repost the job opening:

Secure a Website and an Obama Victory

Obama for America is looking for a network security expert who wants to play a key role in a historic political campaign and help elect Barack Obama as the next President of the United States.
In this role, you will be responsible for:

* Analyzing the network architecture for the My.BarackObama website
* Leading an overhaul of existing security systems and architecture, including policy, firewall, VPN, and networking equipment
* Developing a strategy for responding to hack attempts, DDoS attacks, and other potential threats
* Establishing and managing the security posture of the online campaign My.BarackObama

You must have:

* 3+ years experience in security field or as a security specialist
* A deep understanding of LAMP development processes and best practices Current knowledge of the state of the Internet security landscape
* Proven history of security policy development and implementation
* Proven experience implementing security solutions in clustered, loadbalanced web hosting environments
* Experience with both free and commercial firewall and VPN products
* 3+ years experience maintaining UNIX/Linux systems
* Project plan development and implementation
* Knowledge of routing, switching, and VPN technologies
* Experience configuring networking equipment, including routers, switches, and firewalls
* A willingness to respond off-hours to high urgency security situations

Special consideration given to candidates who have:

* Experience with LAMP applications
* Current security certification (SANS/CISSP, etc.)
* Policy enforcement, auditing, and penetration testing experience
* Knowledge of current e-commerce regulation and requirements (PCI, etc.)
* Understanding of two-factor authentication methods

Unfortunately, this looks to be a boilerplate job application. Given the lax security over at Chez Obama, the Java Zen Table, Chair and Counter Espionage team uncovered this job posting, apparently meant for sometime in the future:

Secure a Country and an Obama Good Night’s Beauty Sleep

Obama for America is looking for a Homeland Security Czar who wants to play at keepin’ stuff from blowin’ up and stuff. It’s a key role in a historic political regime and will help elect Barack Obama as the permanent President of the United States of Arabia.

In this role, you will be responsible for:

* Frowning meaningfully over the network architecture for the My.BarackObama website
* Changing the oil in existing security systems and architecture, including policy, firewall, VPN, networking equipment and other techie sounding things
* Praying for a strategy for responding to hack attempts, DDoS attacks, and other potential threats
* Projecting a managerial and secure posture while online at My.BarackObama
* Picking up the debris left over from bomb blasts and such

You must have:

* 3+ weeks experience in security field, security specialist or a home security company
* A deep understanding of how a lamp works
* Current knowledge of all 60 states in the USA and ability to recognize a secure landscape
* Proven history of things historical
* Proven experience working with a team known for it’s ability to operate as a load balanced cluster ****
* Experience with working for free
* 3+ years experience maintaining eunuchs systems
* Experience with project plan development and implementation and development and implementation and development and implementation and development and implementation
* Knowledge of back stabbing, blaming, non-apology apologizing, bait and switching and herbal remedies
* A willingness to look fabulous at all hours while responding to high urgency security situations

Special consideration given to candidates who have:

* Experience with lamps and lamp shades (English and metric)
* Current vaccinations and immunizations
* Policy “enforcement”, “auditing”, and “penetration testing” experience…RrrooOOoowww
* Knowledge of what the “e” in e-commerce means
* Understanding of two-faced authentication methods
* Their own uniform

Well, good luck with that, Mr. Obama.