Java Zen:Thinking Out Loud Wednesday, 2017.05.24
I Answered All My Spam 

I never know what I might find,
on any day I go online. 
I used to get in quite a huff, 
while wading through unwanted stuff. 
But then I changed the man I am, 
the day I answered all my spam. 

Now every time I check my box, 
I load up on fantastic stocks. 
I'll gladly say I felt no loss, 
when, with a smile, I fired my boss. 
With just one click, the best thing yet, 
I freed myself of all my debt. 

I have, paying a few small fees, 
ten university degrees. 
Now that I'm losing all this weight, 
I'm sure, someday, I'll get a date. 
Instead of going to a show, 
I spy on everyone I know. 
(That's easy, since I have in hand,
this nifty wireless video cam.) 

I spend my evenings viewing screens,
of barely legal horny teens. 
And with a little credit charge,
Whoopee! My penis was enlarged! 
Meanwhile these shots of Britney Spears
should be enough to last for years. 

And so I lead this online life, 
my monitor is now my wife. 
It has become my greatest dream, 
to launch my own get-rich-quick scheme. 
And if you think you might get missed, 
relax, you're on my e-mail list. 

by Alex Silbajoris, Columbus, Ohio 
2001 Freestyle Winner
Satirewire's 2nd Annual Poetry Spam


Flying Pig From Seattle, WA

Looks like Eric Jensen of Jensen Musical Instruments “found” my $2,000 deposit. Apparently, “posted no later than March 31st” means “April 16th” on the Jensen business calendar. I’ll find out tomorrow if the bank is impressed. Assuming it’s good, it means a modification to the Jensen Musical Instruments web site. Until Mr. Jensen compensates me for lost interest and the cost of the Jensen Musical Instruments web site, it will stand as a warning to others who may be considering doing business with Mr. Jensen. I have heard privately from several people similarly burned by Mr. Jensen that my efforts to shine light on his business practices have yielded positive results for them as well. To that end, I am satisfied and consider it a small miracle my $2,000 deposit was ever returned.

Refund Check

[Edit History]


Several grammar changes.