Let’s visit the Web today! Your SUV (SHUV, as I call them, for Silly Huge Unnecessary Vehicle and pronounced like “shove”) is NOTHING unless you have these.

So go out and upgrade that puny SHUV-ster of yours to something MANLY, MACHO, and MASSIVE. Better yet, turn the beast in for a REAL road machine.

After all, 0-200 mph in 15.0 seconds can’t be wrong.

[Ed. Think You Know Everything? Well, your task this next week is to verify each and every one of the following statements. Ready. Set. GO! NO WAIT! Special thanks to my Aunt Bev for finding these. Ok. GO!]

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.”

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10

Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

“Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

…now you know everything …You could be a TEENAGER

A collections of stories, etc., is on todays’ menu. Nothing like a cancelled project to free up a bit of time. All that deadline pressure up in smoke. Or was it just replace with frustration? Or is that post project depression? Or… Whatever. I wonder if anyone will hear me pop the cork on this bottle of wine here in my cube?

This item is from the 04/09/01 edition of TechWeb News :

The University of North Carolina has finally found a network server that, although missing for four years, hasn’t missed a packet in all that time. Try as they might, university administrators couldn’t find the server. Working with Novell Inc., IT workers tracked it down by meticulously following cable until they literally ran into a wall. The server had been mistakenly sealed behind drywall by maintenance workers.

[Ed. I’m curious what the operating system was running on that box. Two bits says it wasn’t Windows. Microsoft’s license would have brought the thing down long before the 4 year mark.]

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And – the eyesight to tell the difference.

1) I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2) My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3) I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4) Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

5) All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

6) If all is not lost, where is it?

7) It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8) I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

9) It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

10) Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

11) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

12) When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

13) It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.

14) The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

15) These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

[Ed. Apologies for the absence – extreme deadlines and such. A quick hit for today. This caught my funny bone given that I’ve been learning a programming language named after the punch line in today’s snippet.]

A little girl goes into a pet shop and asks for a “wabbit”. The shop keeper looks down at her, smiles and says “Would you like a lovely fluffy little white wabbit, or a cutesy wootesly little brown wabbit?”

“Actually”, says the little girl, “I don’t think my python would notice”